LIVE AND LEARN...
Today would have been my mother’s birthday. Were she still with us, she would be a wonderfully wise 71 years old. Although admittedly I am biased, my mother by all accounts was a remarkable woman. It is hard to recap her life in a paragraph, even the long one that it will be, but I will endeavor to try. In the days and weeks to come, as I continue with this project of mine, I hope to get to know the amazing lady who we all lost too soon, and also gain a better understanding of the illness that claimed her life.
Born in Latvia under Russian occupation, as a toddler Daina Mercs, along with her mother, father, and older sister, fled to Germany in the final days of World War II, just in time for the bitter bombings of Berlin and Dresden. After a brief, but bitter time in a displaced persons camp, when she and her family finally landed in Canada at the age of 8, she had already seen more in her young life than most of us ever do, or should. In Canada, Daina seemed to thrive in her new environment. An exceptional student, graduating among the top 1% in Ontario, she went on to win scores of academic awards, be valedictorian of her high school, and receive a full scholarship to the University of Toronto, where she studied languages and literature. She spoke 5 languages fluently and embraced her studies with passion and conviction. She spent a year studying in Paris at the Sorbonne, during which time she and some friends took an ill-advised and risky trip to Communist occupied Latvia to visit her country of birth. Upon graduation received another scholarship to continue her studies at the Goethe Institute in Freiburg, Germany. She married her first husband Otto in Germany, a University professor there. They traveled together back to Toronto, where she taught French at her alma mater, Riverdale Collegiate Institute. Discovering this wasn’t her passion, she decided to take up library sciences, and spent the rest of her career content among the books and media she so loved. Her father, a talented artist, sculptor, and woodworker died tragically when struck by a cyclist as he was crossing the street. Her first marriage also dissolved, but happily for me, not long after, she met my father who was living with a school friend of hers in Toronto. They married in 1976, and two years later I came along. As evidenced through the hundreds of photographs taken, countless pieces of childish art saved, and meticulous journaling of apparently every burp I ever gurgled, my mother loved me very much. Though my parents separated when I was young, my mother was always very gracious, and I saw my father regularly and often. My grandmother, who we lived with, was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1986, and my mother cared for her at home until her death in 1987. In the months that followed, the weight of her mother’s death took its toll on Daina. Though I was quite young, I saw the obvious change in my mom. She became ill, and though she fought and struggled to get well, I went to live with my Dad when she couldn’t care for me anymore. I saw her often though, and though there were moments of hope, where she seemed to get better, eventually she succumbed to her illness, and died in 1989, unfortunately while I was away with my father visiting family in Germany.
Born in Latvia under Russian occupation, as a toddler Daina Mercs, along with her mother, father, and older sister, fled to Germany in the final days of World War II, just in time for the bitter bombings of Berlin and Dresden. After a brief, but bitter time in a displaced persons camp, when she and her family finally landed in Canada at the age of 8, she had already seen more in her young life than most of us ever do, or should. In Canada, Daina seemed to thrive in her new environment. An exceptional student, graduating among the top 1% in Ontario, she went on to win scores of academic awards, be valedictorian of her high school, and receive a full scholarship to the University of Toronto, where she studied languages and literature. She spoke 5 languages fluently and embraced her studies with passion and conviction. She spent a year studying in Paris at the Sorbonne, during which time she and some friends took an ill-advised and risky trip to Communist occupied Latvia to visit her country of birth. Upon graduation received another scholarship to continue her studies at the Goethe Institute in Freiburg, Germany. She married her first husband Otto in Germany, a University professor there. They traveled together back to Toronto, where she taught French at her alma mater, Riverdale Collegiate Institute. Discovering this wasn’t her passion, she decided to take up library sciences, and spent the rest of her career content among the books and media she so loved. Her father, a talented artist, sculptor, and woodworker died tragically when struck by a cyclist as he was crossing the street. Her first marriage also dissolved, but happily for me, not long after, she met my father who was living with a school friend of hers in Toronto. They married in 1976, and two years later I came along. As evidenced through the hundreds of photographs taken, countless pieces of childish art saved, and meticulous journaling of apparently every burp I ever gurgled, my mother loved me very much. Though my parents separated when I was young, my mother was always very gracious, and I saw my father regularly and often. My grandmother, who we lived with, was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1986, and my mother cared for her at home until her death in 1987. In the months that followed, the weight of her mother’s death took its toll on Daina. Though I was quite young, I saw the obvious change in my mom. She became ill, and though she fought and struggled to get well, I went to live with my Dad when she couldn’t care for me anymore. I saw her often though, and though there were moments of hope, where she seemed to get better, eventually she succumbed to her illness, and died in 1989, unfortunately while I was away with my father visiting family in Germany.
For years I never really talked openly about my mother’s death. The circumstances surround it, the manner in which it happened, it all made me uncomfortable. It is in itself a sad story. Oh you poor thing, people would coo…- what a shame to lose your mother so young. And when she was so young! When people were curious, and bold enough to ask how she died, I would mumble something about heart problems, or accidents, or whatever came to mind that didn’t invite too many more questions. I was ashamed to talk about it, and her for that matter. For my mother, the tenacious, bright, beautiful, and vibrant woman I just described, didn’t die of heart disease, or from a tragic accident. Nor cancer, nor diabetes, nor a brain tumour. My mother was mentally ill, and my mother committed suicide at the age of 48. Now the only person I am ashamed of is myself... that I for many years avoided knowing about my mother, and learning not only about the person she was, but about the illness that she struggled with for so long. I am embarrassed that I have let the way she died overshadow her amazing life.
This is her story, and it is perhaps similar to the story of many others who go unnamed. They say one in five Canadians under the age of 65 will have a mental health problem, and I believe it. Part of the impetus to start this campaign has been people telling me (often without knowing my history) of their own struggles with mental health – either personally, or from someone close to them. I will admit my relative ignorance in this broad field of mental illness, and so the bigger task at hand is to educate myself, and hopefully others in the process, on what exactly mental illness is, and at the same time, what it isn’t. In my profession, the topic of mental health is a particularly sensitive subject…people don’t really like hearing “pilot” and “mental” anything in the same sentence. I briefly wrestled with whether or not to take on this project and make it so public, but this is exactly the point of this endeavor: debunking some of the myths associated with mental illness, and allow it to be as acceptable a topic of discussion as cancer or heart disease. I'd like mental illness to be seen as a these and other diseases are seen - not as a flaw in character or sign of weakness, but rather a valid, and treatable condition. I'd like to be able to talk about this without embarrassment or fear of judgement. I know those who suffer would like to do the same.
This is her story, and it is perhaps similar to the story of many others who go unnamed. They say one in five Canadians under the age of 65 will have a mental health problem, and I believe it. Part of the impetus to start this campaign has been people telling me (often without knowing my history) of their own struggles with mental health – either personally, or from someone close to them. I will admit my relative ignorance in this broad field of mental illness, and so the bigger task at hand is to educate myself, and hopefully others in the process, on what exactly mental illness is, and at the same time, what it isn’t. In my profession, the topic of mental health is a particularly sensitive subject…people don’t really like hearing “pilot” and “mental” anything in the same sentence. I briefly wrestled with whether or not to take on this project and make it so public, but this is exactly the point of this endeavor: debunking some of the myths associated with mental illness, and allow it to be as acceptable a topic of discussion as cancer or heart disease. I'd like mental illness to be seen as a these and other diseases are seen - not as a flaw in character or sign of weakness, but rather a valid, and treatable condition. I'd like to be able to talk about this without embarrassment or fear of judgement. I know those who suffer would like to do the same.
In recent years, I'd like to think that the topic of mental illness is becoming slightly more commonplace in our vernacular. It is my hope that diseases of the mind are slowly being viewed in the same light as diseases of the body. However, many myths and stereotypes still exist. Though treatable, and in most cases fully manageable, mental illnesses are life-long, chronic diseases. As such, with proper assessment, treatment and support, symptoms can disappear, and the disease can go into remission. It is not exactly known what causes mental illness, but ongoing research indicates it is likely a combination of genetics, biology, physical, and social environments that are the main contributors to mental health conditions, with many illnesses first developing in adolescence or young adulthood. In addition, lifestyle, family environment, economic status, stress, and trauma can play a role in the onset and relapse of symptoms. As with any disease, proper diagnosis is key to recovery, and once this is made, a combination of medication, counseling, support, and training from mental health professionals is often successful at treating these conditions.
Mental illness is a broad umbrella for so many diseases, it is unlikely that any of you reading will not be affected either directly or indirectly by any of the following: anxiety disorders, including phobias, obsessive compulsive disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder; dementia; addiction, including alcoholism and gambling addictions; eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating; mood disorders, including depression, postpartum depression, bipolar disorder, and seasonal affective disorder (SAD); personality disorders; and schizophrenia. No one chooses these diseases. It is not a lack of self control or discipline or willpower. It is not a result of lower intelligence or socioeconomic status. It is not due to negligent parenting, and is not even necessarily genetic. I've included many informative links from the CMHA in the "Links and Resources" Tab. Please if you have the time, take a few minutes to educate yourself about mental illness and mental health, or at the very least, please acknowledge that it is something that can affect anyone at any time. Please stop the stigma.
Mental illness is a broad umbrella for so many diseases, it is unlikely that any of you reading will not be affected either directly or indirectly by any of the following: anxiety disorders, including phobias, obsessive compulsive disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder; dementia; addiction, including alcoholism and gambling addictions; eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating; mood disorders, including depression, postpartum depression, bipolar disorder, and seasonal affective disorder (SAD); personality disorders; and schizophrenia. No one chooses these diseases. It is not a lack of self control or discipline or willpower. It is not a result of lower intelligence or socioeconomic status. It is not due to negligent parenting, and is not even necessarily genetic. I've included many informative links from the CMHA in the "Links and Resources" Tab. Please if you have the time, take a few minutes to educate yourself about mental illness and mental health, or at the very least, please acknowledge that it is something that can affect anyone at any time. Please stop the stigma.
So what exactly is Taking Off the Taboo about? In short, it is a two year campaign to raise funds towards the CMHA’s Mental Health Week – a week long event held each May to encourage discussion surrounding mental health and illness. In 2014, marking the 25th anniversary of my mother’s death, the initiative was originally to culminate in a month long trip around the coast of Australia in a light aircraft – a place my mother would have loved to visit. For years I had dreamed of flying around Australia, and thought it a fitting tribute to my mother's sense of adventure. Lately however, as the official campaign draws to a close, I have been having second thoughts about how to wrap it up, and give due service to both the cause and the lady. At the moment, Behind the Curtain, Taking Off The Taboo's grand event in October is demanding a lot of energy and attention, and the task of planning a trip such as that is even more daunting than the fundraising itself! In light of this, and in keeping with my mother's generous spirit, I have decided that the initiative should stand on its own, and I will instead take the month of November to volunteer somewhere less fortunate. The location and cause has yet to be determined, but stay tuned to the Blog for updates.
I had set the fundraising goal for the CMHA's Mental Health Week Initiative at $25000 - a symbolic equivalent of the cost of the original planned trip around Australia. Though I won't be taking this trip, I figure it's still as good a goal as any! Though it will likely take me more than the two years allotted, I will continue until this goal is achieved. I am confident that Behind the Curtain will be a success, and hope to make it an annual event. All monies raised will be donated directly to the CMHA - specifically to the Mental Health Week initiative, which seeks to start conversation about mental health, the first step in reducing stigma. Of course any contributions made to my dedicated CMHA site will go directly to the organization and are fully tax deductible. This donation link can be accessed by clicking any of the donation buttons on these pages. I have high hopes for Taking Off the Taboo, including that the long timeline will make up for my lack of experience with any of this. I’m hopeful too, that those of you reading this who are inspired to get involved, and continue the conversation yourselves. Starting small, I hope that this initiative will, pardon the pun, take off in the next two years, and culminate in the experience of a lifetime; an experience as extraordinary as the woman it pays tribute to.
Just by reading this to the end, you are helping me reach my goal of increasing awareness for mental health issues. If you’d like to help further, any donation in any denomination is greatly appreciated. I know especially at this time of year, many worthy causes are asking for your support - incidentally Movember also supports men’s mental health initiatives. If you can find some time for this in the coming month, or in six months, or even in a year, Taking Off the Taboo will be an ongoing project that will greatly appreciate any contribution, whenever it can be given.
I hope you can join us at Behind The Curtain - an evening of music and mingling at the Gladstone Hotel in Toronto. This year's event takes place on October 16th 2014, and promises to be an evening to remember. Tickets available at www.behindthecurtain2014.eventbrite.com
As I mentioned, I’m new to all of this (fundraising, website making, education), but I will be doing my best through this website and social media to keep supporters updated with the progress of the goals, as well as sharing what I learn along the way. On the tabs above you will find links to upcoming events, information on mental illness, as well as other helpful resources if you are interested in reading further. Of course when the time for the trip comes along, this will be chronicled in detail as well. Please feel free to share and pass along the links, and get involved yourself if you’re so inclined.
www.facebook.com/TakingOffTheTaboo
www.twitter.com/takeoffthetaboo
Thank you so much for reading, and thank you in advance for your generous support!
Just by reading this to the end, you are helping me reach my goal of increasing awareness for mental health issues. If you’d like to help further, any donation in any denomination is greatly appreciated. I know especially at this time of year, many worthy causes are asking for your support - incidentally Movember also supports men’s mental health initiatives. If you can find some time for this in the coming month, or in six months, or even in a year, Taking Off the Taboo will be an ongoing project that will greatly appreciate any contribution, whenever it can be given.
I hope you can join us at Behind The Curtain - an evening of music and mingling at the Gladstone Hotel in Toronto. This year's event takes place on October 16th 2014, and promises to be an evening to remember. Tickets available at www.behindthecurtain2014.eventbrite.com
As I mentioned, I’m new to all of this (fundraising, website making, education), but I will be doing my best through this website and social media to keep supporters updated with the progress of the goals, as well as sharing what I learn along the way. On the tabs above you will find links to upcoming events, information on mental illness, as well as other helpful resources if you are interested in reading further. Of course when the time for the trip comes along, this will be chronicled in detail as well. Please feel free to share and pass along the links, and get involved yourself if you’re so inclined.
www.facebook.com/TakingOffTheTaboo
www.twitter.com/takeoffthetaboo
Thank you so much for reading, and thank you in advance for your generous support!
questions? comments? suggestions?
Please email me at [email protected] Thanks!
